I recently spoke with a parent struggling with her son over “schoolwork”. She entices his cooperation with the offer of participation in “enrichment” activities with other homeschool kids. It’s not working. He refuses to complete work and consequently, does not participate in many activities with his peers.
Sometimes a reward is sufficient for my child to find self-motivation to complete required tasks. Sometimes a reward has no bearing on my child’s internal motivation and we reach a stalemate. My child simply will not do what is expected no matter what the consequences: first removal of rewards, then punitive measures. Coercion doesn’t work. I have learned this the hard way.
Since I’m the adult, I have to go back and examine why my child won’t do the work. I question what it is I am asking my child to do. I examine what exactly it my child won’t do. Is the work boring? Is the work too difficult? Is the work that I am asking my child to complete absolutely necessary for my child to tackle at this time? Why? Is there another way I can present the skills I feel necessary for my child to learn?
Often, I find that if I back off for a while or reintroduce the subject matter in a different, more creative manner we get past the hump. I don’t usually withhold rewards for extended periods of time anymore if that action is ineffectual. Instead, I allow my child to go ahead and follow the other interests because they, in themselves, are also providing learning.
My child may not be learning exactly what it is I had in mind at that time, but my child is learning what is of interest to him. There are skills my child must have in order to function in our world, but how they are learned and acquired can be adapted to my individual child’s needs. Although, I was schooled, I try to remember that children want to learn, want to please teachers and parents. And like anyone else, enjoy praise. Knowing all of this and putting it into action is a challenge of homeschooling.
Tags: alternative education, education, Homeschooling, learning, parents, reluctant learner, students, teachers, unschooling
I agree. I have found that when my kids are ready, they learn what I was agonizing over them ever learning…effortlessly.
They learn better on their own timetable, not mine. (Our “What My First Grader Needs To Know”‘s timetable!)
Great article.
I agree too but i’m panicing because my child doesn’t want to work either. This is only causing panic because she wants to go to secondary school in September and i don’t want her t fall behind, otherwise i would back off.. I have tried everything but she isn’t interested even though she knows that without a good education she will not get her dream career. Any ideas please.
There are so many questions in response to your concerns. First and foremost,are you connected with a homeschooling support group? In what country are you homeschooling – the ages for secondary school vary greatly. You are right. It can be very difficult to “let go” and honestly, I am not a purist. While, I may use this as a guideline, I too, have struggled with my children. To discuss this further, it would be helpful to have more information – age, your expectations, student’s expectations. What do you believe the student needs? What does the student believe s/he needs? Begin a dialogue with one another. There are some things that students must learn (read, write, communicate, etc.). How you approach can truly vary.