This comment was posted to an article on the choice to homeschool. The editor felt the comment warranted further opportunity for discussion and placed the comment and response in a post.
Although you do bring up some very valid advantages toward homeschooling, don’t you feel that problems such as drugs are something that you cannot shield your child from for their whole life? One of the best lessons you can teach your children is how to stay away from drugs, but hiding them from it isn’t necessarily the way to do it. Eventually they will be on their own today and it is up to you as a parent to teach them “how to say no.” Also, when taking them out of a school system, you are taking away many valuable lessons that can be taught as in how to work with other people that you may necessarily not like. It can be argued that the most important things you learn in school are social rather than educational, so why keep your child from learning these valuable lessons just to shield them from something they’ll run into eventually anyways?
Many people hold such sweeping assumptions about homeschoolers and homeschooling. While personally I could provide you with facts and experiencs of my own children, that is really not the point.The perception that homeschooled children are hiding and unaffected by the rest of society is a pervasive misconception. This is a myth founded on misinformation.
Homeschoolers are not hiding but rather choosing not to participate in a system that for individual reasons they feel is not the best for their family and children.
Why assume homeschooled children are always shielded from drugs? Drugs are a part of our society whether that is desirable or not. Our children are just as much a part of the “neighborhood” as is anyone else. And like everyone else they, too, must learn how to cope and handle these pressures. They do not wear signs that say, “Drug dealers beware, I’m homeschooled!” and somehow that protects them from life’s realities.
Why believe that homeschooled children do not learn “how to say no”? As you yourself say, this is the responsibility of parents to teach them “how to say no.” If anything, I would counter that homeschooled children have had greater opportunity for instruction on how to form independent choices than those traditionally schooled.
It is perhaps the overwhelming impression that homeschooled children are somehow removed from society and thus lacking experience in social situations provided only by classrooms and school buildings that is the most erroneous. Just like everyone else, homeschooled children and families encounter people and uncomfortable social situations. Opting out of a system of mass education does not constitute removal from society as a whole.
As is stated, “…the most important things you learn in school are social rather than educational.” That is precisely the point. Homeschoolers are educating their children outside of a school system. Their children are learning and their children are not being socialized in the same way as those in brick and mortar buildings. This is what makes homeschoolers different.
Homeschoolers are very much a part of society and are a growing element in American culture. Homeschooling does not equal isolation or lack of socialization. Homeschoolers are parents asserting their rights to raise their children, including the direction of their educations both academically and socially.
This comment was posted to an article on the choice to homeschool. The editor felt the comment warranted further opportunity for discussion and placed the comment and response in a post.
(Editor’s Note: This comment appears under the original post “Why we chose to homeschool and our homeschooling philosophy.”)
You continue to bring up all of these “assumptions” that you assume I am making about homeschoolers. It seems to me that you are hidden from society the same way your homeschooled child is. You can say whatever you want, but being an adult and a parent you have no idea just how much your child is missing by being homeschooled. The exposure and ability to work with peers are skills that are necessary for any being to succeed and I fear that homeschooling parents will not see that their children lack in these skills before it is too late. This is a changing world, and much has changed since you were in school. There are so many things out there that you have no idea about, and neither will your child not attending public school. You also bring up the point “I would counter that homeschooled children have had greater opportunity for instruction on how to form independent choices than those traditionally schooled.” Although you may be there to teach your child to make good decisions, it is in school that they must learn to do it themselves rather than have mommy there at all times telling them what to do. I do realize that homeschooled kids have social lives as well, but there is so much at schools that your child deserves exposure to, and its your responisbility as a parents to teach your child TO TEACH THEMSELVES how to survive in the real world.
I make no assumption about home schoolers. Having been one myself, I can certainly understand the positive aspects. As the parent of a child with a documented learning difference, our home schooling years were instrumental in acheiving a real diagnosis and laying the groundwork for advocacy.
It is unfortunate, however, that we find ourselves in our current position and I fear that homeschooling had some hand in creating a situation where our son is still in need of support from Mom in spite of the fact that he is extremely cerebral. Just today, I found myself searching through his book bag and found a rubric for his first major wrtiting project which is due on Friday. Good catch, Mom. He’ll write it beautifully, I’m sure, but I worry about how he will make the crossover to self advocacy. I don’t want him to fail, but he must learn how to organize himself.
High school at Central, fortunately, afforded him opportunities to keep himself up to date. We found that if he was engaged in the class, he was more than rabid about tackling the workload. If the teacher was stupid (and they do exist rarely)he was wont to treat the claas as a joke and thusly shoot himself in the foot. I’m hoping he learned this, but I’m not too convinced. He made stong allies and sworn enemies. Most importantly, he learned a great deal about forming and maintaining friendships. He self involved in group activities, such as choir, goth, anime and the South Lawn. He got to attend his senior prom albeit stag. I am happy to say that his friends are in contact with him regularly and that they are strong friendships.
I really wish we had been able to send him to an excellent, appropriate private school. The school district was steeped in bad beauracracy, too much paperwork, too many bigger problems and clueless accomodations, but there were really very excellent teachers who were able to speak to many things which I could not address. And, they really, for the most part tried hard. The kid is bright beyond words after all and everybody thinks they know best.
So, a little bit, yes for homeschooling and a lot a bit yes for real school. But, mostly I wish there was more funding for all of the kids being left behind by “No Child Left Behind”
Adam, I’d like to hear about some of the “many things” that are happening in schools that we homeschoolers, “have no idea about”. It sounds like you don’t know many homeschoolers, if you think that they don’t have opportunities to work together, or to learn with a group of peers.
I’ve been homeschooling for more than a decade and rather than being isolated, we’ve always been inundated with more homeschool classes, educational co-op offerings, scout groups, sports teams, etc. than we had time to participate in. I’d say we’ve spent on average between 6 and 15 hours per week in classes and activities with other homeschoolers, and we’re far from being the busiest homeschoolers we know.
Furthermore, you presume a total separation between homeschool and school worlds that simply doesn’t exist, as if homeschoolers have no exposure to what schools are doing or what students are learning in them. Many of the homeschooling families I know are like mine and have a foot in both worlds–some of my kids attend school, others are educated at home. Even those whose children are all homeschooled have friends, neighbors, and relatives with children in the schools, so it doesn’t exactly take an FBI investigation to find out what is being taught, or how.
If your fears for homeschoolers were well-founded, we’d expect to see high failure rates or problems with social interaction when homeschooled kids do start attending school, but that just doesn’t appear to be the case. I’ve asked several principals, school counselors and teachers who I’ve met socially about how homeschooled kids have fared when they started attending their schools. Overwhelmingly I’ve heard that they are just like any other group of students–sink or swim depending on how willing they are to do the work and get along. None of them have said that the students arrive unprepared or unable to get along with peers. My daughter had never been to school before 10th grade. She has very good grades, participates in sports and student government, and was nominated for homecoming court. It hardly sounds like there’s a lot happening in her school that she wasn’t prepared for.
As a parent who with 6 children, three of which went to public school K-12, one through middle school, one K-1 and one who has never seen the inside of a “normal” classroom; I see little to no difference as to what my children have or haven’t been exposed to. In a time where the average child is getting less then 3 actual hours of learning in a school enviroment, I question what it is that they are actually being taught. My 14 year old is on a city board for teens, active in co-op classes, and in a year averages 400 hours of community service, sitting here I’m trying to figure what it is I’ve shielded him from. He’s with peers (at least half his friends are in public school), he is doing grade level or higher school work, he’s self reliant, and has a wonderful grasp on how to “survive in the real world”. My ADHD 8 year old, has learned how to manage his time, is on grade level without medication and has learned that he can find ways to learn to hold his attention without being told he has to “conform” to someone elses standards. We choose to homeschool not to hide our children from society but to give them the opportunity to view more of society then four walls have to offer.